No more empty nest, Day 4 November 6, 2009

There is a person in my house… and a dog. This is not news, but I feel their presence right now.  Big time. The TV is on even though he’s outside on the phone, my phone, with the GF- going on 45 minutes now. Granted he did just step in to ask if I wanted my phone. He finished my bottle of wine and is now working his way through a second bottle.  He’s had a difficult day.

I’ve had a difficult day and I want solitude. So, I’ve retreated to my bedroom but I’m feeling resentful. That won’t help either of us. I know that it’s way too early in this new situation for me to feel the way I do.

There are too many things beyond my control right now in my life. And, I’m letting them get to me…  It’s frustrating. I like to be in control.  I don’t like surprises. So, I find myself unable to concentrate on my job and my writing! I”m holding on the resentment and the frustration, which is only hurting me!

I can’t tell him how I feel because it might sound like a guilt trip. Or it might make him think about reconciliation with the GF. And, that would be counterproductive.

The old me would be a little passive aggressive or play the self-sacrificing martyr. The new and improved Delicate Flower will do some meditation, retreat, breathe deeply, and just sit with the challenges.

Off to the kitchen to see if he downed the last of the wine………..

 

Footnote: This is part of a continuing saga:  The intro, part 2, and part 3. I promise not to turn this into a rant.. but as I said, yesterday was difficult.

My new friend November 5, 2009

You saw my Devil Troll last week, it was a present from YorksnBeans for a contest I won second place in.  Ms. Yorks has a troll, Tootsie who co-writes her blog. This week, Tootsie decided to give out some awards and I was honored as one of her awardees.. It is my very first award from a Troll.  High honor indeed!

Spreading the news November 5, 2009

Blogging Women is a blog featuring exclusively female bloggers. It was the first one I looked at when I began to think about blogging. And, it’s a blog I joined a few months after getting Delicacies up and running.

I’m happy to be able to say that Delicacies is one of six featured blogs for the month of November. Take a look: Blogging Women.

Wednesday’s wonderings November 4, 2009

Thanks to Jay-Jay for this question. He was reading my Alice post and gave me the idea.  What other well-known TV, movie or literary duo or couple could you imagine to have sexual undertones?  Were Holmes and Watson actually lovers, etc. …….

Returning to Mommy, Day 1 November 3, 2009

He showed up this morning around 9 AM… with his dog! I thought the dog was staying with the girlfriend! Not happy! I have 2 cats and they aren’t friends! I’m not happy. If you’re not with me, go back and read this.

We had some conversation first thing; talking about the basics of co-habitation. I vowed to not talk bad about the girlfriend.  We talked about meals, who’s buying groceries, cooking etc… so far, so good. He did some major cleaning in the basement where he intends to move. Loads of trash that needed to be cleaned out of the back room and he got the extra library/bedroom mopped and organized. It was an auspicious beginning.

We’ll see. He fixed himself lunch.. a big lunch. And, he also cleaned up!  He’s 6′4″ tall and a little on the thin side.. so he’s on a quest to fatten up. I see my grocery bill skyrocketing.

I have to remind myself that he must be hurting. He loves this young woman and this separation must be difficult. though she’s announced this on Facebook, dramatically changing her status from “in relationship” to “single”. Sigh…. He’s not the type to show emotions so I’m guessing.  I need to cut him some slack, show some compassion, and give him space to make his own way.

It’s after dinner. We’re both in front of the TV- his dog, asleep in his lap, one of my cats is asleep on my footstool.  It feels pretty cozy and tension free.

Find your bliss November 2, 2009

Ok, so I stole the title from a US Cellular phone ad.  But, you know.. sometimes we get inspiration where we find it.

Find your bliss. What does that mean? For US Cellular it’s the name of a new phone they’re promoting.

According to Wikipedia, Bliss can be a state of profound spiritual satisfaction, happiness or joy, often associated with religious ideas of the afterlife.

What does finding my bliss mean?

• Having my granddaughter run to my arms when she sees me
• The perfect moment with a lover, the look, touch, or kiss that feels so right.
• Sitting in a soft, beautiful expanse of grass; happy, content, present
• Bach’s Goldberg Variations
• The first taste of a decadent chocolate mousse
• Curled up on the sofa, fire in the fireplace, good glass of wine and Joe by my side
• Curled up on the sofa, fire in the fireplace, good glass of wine and a great book
• Watching my 2 sons together, laughing

I know there are more but for now.. that’s my list. What constitutes a moment of bliss for you?

Spooky days October 31, 2009

I used to go all out for Halloween when my kids were little.  One year we had a family type party and the kids decorated paper mache spiders I made.. I still have a couple of those spiders, some 15 years later.

I live in a real ‘neighborhood’ but my house is one of 8 on a small private road… we’re all well past the tots stage and we never get trick or treaters.  So, I’ve just abandoned the holiday. It’s a shame really. I loved giving out candy, having the glowing pumpkins, decorations around the house.  Why I stopped just because I live alone is beyond me.  Next year I will commit to reviving those rituals, abandoned with the many other things that I either lost, or let go of in the move from wife to single woman, “MOM” to mom.

For now I’ll take a little delight in this creepy egg photo I found.

 

Women in Peril October 30, 2009

I came across this study today while perusing the NPR website.   Aptly called, Women in Peril.  This is appalling in ways that I can’t even begin to verbalize.  Take a look at the study, it gives examples and ratings across the major TV stations.

 

Finding #1: Violence against women and teenage girls is increasing on television at rates that far exceed the overall increases in violence on television. Violence, irrespective of gender, on television increased during the study period only 2% from 2004 (N=3840) to 2009 (N=3929), while the incidence of violence against women increased 120% during that same period (N=195-429).

 

Finding #2: Every network with the exception of ABC demonstrated a dramatic increase in the number of storylines that included violence against women between 2004 and 2009.

Finding #3: Although female victims appeared to be primarily of adult age, collectively, there was a 400% increase in the depiction of teen girls as victims across all networks from 2004 to 2009.

Finding #4: Fox stood out for using violence against women as a punch line in its comedies — in particular Family Guy and American Dad — trivializing the gravity of the issue of violence against women.

Finding #5: From 2004 to 2009 there was an 81% increase in the incidence of intimate partner violence on television.

Where’s that moaning sound coming from? October 29, 2009

Dear Goddess,

Help me! My adult son is moving back in with me.  What am I going to do?  I finally have this great sex life … we have frequent vigorous sex and I don’t want to give that up.  What am i going to do? I have 2 bedrooms my son could sleep in, one is across the hall from my bedroom, the other is below my bedroom.

Signed,

Frustrated lover

~   ~   ~   ~   ~

Dear Frustrated Lover,

Don’t get your panties in a wad. There are a variety of options for you and your lover.  First of all, why are you letting your son come back? Kick his butt out and tell him to get his life together. Oops, you want advice about the sex!

Christmas/Hanukkah  is coming!

Let your son know how concerned you are for his health and talk about the importance of a good night’s sleep. Buy him a gift basket with a sound machine, high-quality ear plugs and a face mask.. Not being able to see can sometimes impact hearing.  Or maybe you could buy him a new Bose headset, the sound blocking ones.

Do you have a shed? or other type of out-house that could be renovated for the ‘child’?

I guess I’d be remiss if I didn’t ask; how loud is your sex? On a scale of 1 to 10, where one is muffled breathing and 10 is window rattling ecstasy? If you’re the silent type then the issue is moot… isn’t it? If you’re closer to a 10, how about a gag?

Before the child moves back in, I suggest the three of you sit down, over stiff drinks, and discuss the upcoming changes. He’s probably totally freaked out that his mother even has sex-if he’s even contemplated that.  Talk about overall expectations for the new living relationship from all perspectives. Talk about respect, privacy, yada yada…..You and your partner will need to tell him that you have an intimate life, sparing him the details of course. Help him understand that as adults in a healthy relationship you have an active sex life.  And, of course that you’re not going to curtail your sex life because he’s moving in. Suggest that everyone will probably  undergo some apprehension but that sensitivity and courtesy rule the day.  If he can’t handle it, he can begin to look for alternative living arrangements!

Wednesday! October 28, 2009

Recently, in a polite way, a fellow blogger asked if I were in my sexual prime how I might………

Hmmm?  When is one in one’s sexual prime?  There are no standard definitions or consistent answers that I could reference to give weight to this topic. A relevant question is how we define being in our prime… are we just talking about orgasmic capacity? What about skill and experience?

What do you think?