Toilet paper anyone? June 30, 2009

 My work world is not particularly exciting.  We are a small crew of 8, all in the ‘helping profession’.  And, since we’re all female there are items that might possibly be more important to us, as women, than they might be for men (I don’t want this to be construed as sexist in any way).

While I was away part of last week, re-creating (as in recreation, not creating … God forbid we should have ‘created’. Wouldn’t that be a bitch! And, yes I am still semi-fertile…..go figure?)  w/ my new guy this email surfaced….intentionally meant only for Maggie, the Administrative Queen of all things paper.  She found it amusing and forwarded it to the entire staff.  Aptly titled: The most exciting email, EVER.

Maggie*, so I thought I’d take it upon myself to be the TP/Paper towel reporter for you….regarding the upstairs bathroom.  We currently have 3 rolls of TP and 5 rolls of PT with no other stashes that I can find.  I don’t know how often you order the stuff, but thought it might be good to let you know this most exciting news and provide the status of our bathroom supplies.  Good luck receiving another email today from ANYONE, that contains information as exciting and life changing as this. 

The author is a bit embarrassed that everyone read it, including me.   I’m wondering about her.. she’s relatively new and had heretofore displayed very few obsessive tendencies.  Yesterday a shipment came in from Staples. I walked up the steps with an armful of paper towels- we’re an equal opportunity workplace- and went into her office to allow for a visual inspection.  I think she actually wrote down the number of new rolls joining the existing upstairs stash.  The staff meeting last Tuesday focused on the mysterious shortage of paper towels and the possibility that they were being stolen?   I’m wondering who would be so brazen as to contemplate that?  Home visits might be in order.

 

Sugar and spice June 29, 2009

I’ve been hiding behind the pseudonym of Delicate Flower for 5 months now.  And, I’ve slipped into her persona with ease.  The name delicate flower was chosen as a joke; I used to ask my guy friends to be mindful of their language, telling them I was a delicate flower.  They all laughed and then proceeded as usual.  When I decided to become a blogger that was the obvious choice.

I think all women, maybe all men have a delicate side.  We may choose not to show it.   All of my childhood pictures portray a pretty little girl, in a smocked dress. I played with dolls. I read books primarily about girls; Cherry Ames, Nancy Drew, Clara Barton, Mrs. Piggly Wiggly… female role models.  But I was also taught to hold on to my emotions, to not cry.. to be tough.  It is an absolute contradiction. Sugar and spice with a splash of puppy-dog tails thrown in for good measure.

As the child of an alcoholic, it was important for me to hide my emotions .. and I learned at an early age to gauge my surroundings carefully. My siblings and I all knew when to become invisible.  I hid in books, they became my fantasy life.  I grew up as a rather controlled child, though according to my mother I talked incessantly!  Oh well… I still do that.

In dating relationships I was direct, almost too direct.  If I wasn’t in the mood to go out I’d call the guy and tell him.  I didn’t mince words.  I was sarcastic at times, a little aloof.  It masked insecurities, uncertainty about how to navigate the world.  Some of it’s classic child of alcoholic stuff and some of it’s just me. 

 I didn’t feel popular or very attractive during my teen years.  My best friend Patty*, always got the guys.. though I expect she was offering more than I was!!   Marrying at the age of 22 to my first serious suitor I developed the proper wife/ mother thing.. and along with that a solid C sex life.  Not exciting but satisfying- for me- if I worked real hard at it.  Divorcing in my late 40’s and going for over a year without sex helped me understand that I really did want sex in my life. So, I began a period of adventure, of understanding my own potential.  The evolution of Delicate Flower. The everyday persona I portray is much more wholesome.  I appear to be much more straight-laced.  I lead a rather conventional life and I look pretty conventional.  White bread.

This blog  was started as a way to explore the material for my book.. Then it took a life of it’s own and has now become an exploration of the hidden sexuality of women.. yes, damn it.. older women. See, I hate to call myself older because I don’t really think I look old, I don’t feel old and I have a healthy sexual appetite that I suspect many of us have, but which is rarely attributed to women in the second half of life.  I enjoy being sassy and sexy..  dancing in the night, letting it all out. I want to sit on a deck in a mountain resort and blow bubbles…I want to laugh in bed with my lover.  To really feel alive.

We’re not old fuddy duddys.. We can give blow jobs much better than the average 20 year old ( I made that up but am sure there’s supporting evidence somewhere?).  We are open to experimentation, exploration.  We’ve been doing this for a number of years!   We have our own stash of sex toys and are eager to share them with you. We know how to please and be pleased.  Our bodies are experienced and we have joys to share.  

I couldn’t have written that previous paragraph 5 years ago, or understood the power of my own sensuousness.    I’ve come into my own. I have become the delicate flower and that is truly a wonderful thing for me to behold.  It feels natural.  And with Delicate Flower’s help, with the comments of regular readers who experience some of the same things I do, I am finding my writer’s voice.

Leather and Lace June 28, 2009

Expanding my horizons

Yorks N Beans is doing a post featuring a series of readers’ photos of their eyeglasses.  This was my entry! These are my more frivolous pair …. obviously.

Really? June 26, 2009

Search Engine Term of the week:   ”Whole foot in vagina“    Really?  OK, guys did one of you do that?  Is there a perverted foot fetish guy out there reading my blog?  Did you find something satisfying-maybe that kinky post ?  (I’m going to scrub out someone’s mouth with soap…..)

  Though if one could just try a partial foot maybe? Or just the toes, or maybe a heel? Pumice stone and foot cream first please!  Oh.. no athlete’s foot.. hahaha  ( though there are a few athletes that I might be willing to entertain! Franco Harris… sigh……)

No, Seriously.  I’m proud to be able to say that I’ve never referenced or even tried anything remotely resembling that.

The day that God and the Sex Fiend Met. June 25, 2009

I confess to having a few gentle obsessive traits.  One is my compulsive book purchasing…. My lists  of possession will verify that for you.   I popped into the local mega-bookstore yesterday afternoon.. just to buy one little book.  Here’s what came home with me.

• 1001 Pearls of Wisdom, compiled by David Ross
• Six Word Memoirs on Love & Heartbreak by Writers Famous and Obscure, ed. Smith Magazine
• God is not Great,by Christopher Hitchens
• Women Know Everything, 3,241 Quips, Quotes, & Brilliant Remarks, compiled by Karen Weekes
• My Secret Garden, by Nancy Friday
• Diary of a Sex Fiend; Girl with a One Track Mind, by Abby Lee

 The Secret Garden was the book I was searching for.   I went with a specific purpose but got carried away….Once I entered the store and started browsing I momentarily forgot what I was searching for. Don’t even try to figure out how the Hitchens book got in that pile. I passed the teaser display of paperbacks-  those big stands in the middle of the isles piled high with temptations- and it jumped into my hand.. I’m still loving Hitchens for his blow job  story so I let him stay.  

 As I review the list it seems that I have enough material for posts for the next several years! So, I’m changing the blog to a quote-factory.. Though technically I guess that would mean I have to manufacture the quotes.. hell I’m just going to ’share’ them!   All 4,242 of them…..

I’m leaving for a long weekend away this afternoon, and I plan on packing My Secret Garden in case we run out of things to do and talk about!  I’ll do a post review next week… of the book! 

My apologies to Fundamental Jelly for stealing ‘groin mauling’.

Wondering Wednesday June 24, 2009

 

Ok..so tell me……Who are you?  What kind of jobs do you bloggers, blog readers have?  I promise not to rat you out to the boss for reading during office hours.

Letting it all hang out June 23, 2009

Yep, as I revealed to a reader yesterday, Joe is reading my blog. He started the day I posted the Fireworks ( in case anyone is checking to see if I’ve changed my tone and content).  One day last week.. apparently he got bored at work, he read the whole thing….Every post, all 145+.  I held my breath….. while he read about my blow job story, the death of my vibrator, my ex-husband, my prior dating escapades.. And, the post where I mentioned him as a ‘no-go’! That night I went back and read all the posts to see if there was anything there he might have a concern about.. something I probably should have done before I told him.

I told him about the blog because it seemed the right thing to do.  How else could I explain the time at the laptop.  Would I hide the blog site, in a fear that he’d discover me?  Suppose he got on my computer to look at pictures and found my stash of ‘blog bits’ which is for some odd reason chock full of penis pictures… tee hee…. That seemed rather silly.  So, I told him about Delicacies, how I came to begin blogging.. and what the blog had done for me in a positive vein. I shared background on who some of my readers are and the stories behind some of the posts.  Simply put, I invited him in.

We’ve made it past the first dozen dates.. he’s obviously not the kind of “Nice Guy” I found uninspiring in an earlier dating cycle.  I wanted him to see all facets of me… sooner rather than later.  If he is going to be sensitive or too nosey, controlling, then I want to know that right away.   

The down side is that every morning when I sit down to write I know that he’ll be reading.  And, when one of you sexy guys tries to ask me for my number, he’ll be reading.  If I get really pissed, or mad at him I can’t really vent here in public. ….. well, I can and probably will.  He’s just a reader with a little more privilege than the rest of you!

This is really about my unwillingness to play games anymore.. no more pretending to be the perfect date!  No more sacrificing my personal freedoms to accommodate a man. I have warts and wrinkles and he is gonna see them.. whether he wants to or not.  And, if he doesn’t like it then he’s free to move on. Of course I’m banking on the fact that he continues to want to stay.  I’ve been dependent on “the kindness of others” (who wrote that???)  for far too long.. and I’ve spent alot of time taking care of someone else.. a bit of sacrifice (and a bit of martyrdom surfacing here), so, now it’s my turn. I get to be as intelligent, honery, sassy, sexy, out-there, independent and strong willed as I want. And, for all that huffing and puffing, it’s really about letting this special man into my life, fully.

Annie Oakley, Look out! June 22, 2009

 Yesterday was a first for me! I shot a gun. I shot about 100 rounds and apparently have a pretty good eye for a beginner.  I haven’t held a gun since I was a youngster and my dad let me shoot a few rounds at a can.  I grew up in a hunting household, but have never had guns in my house.  I tried to raise my sons in a gunfree environment, even forbidding toy guns when my first son was little. Of course he turned every Lego block, stick, and piece of clay into a gun, but…..  He’s now in the military and owns a Glock, I guess I wasn’t successful.

 

 At the range yesterday I shot 5 different guns, or maybe 6?  My favorite were the 22 Ruger pictured left (above) and the 22 Browning with the red light in the sight  (yeah, yeah I got this far I’m entitled to get some of this wrong)  I also shot a 9 MM, Springfield, a Taurus, a Smith and Wesson, a different kind of Wesson and a 38 (which might have been mentioned?).   The target on the left I shot with a Ruger.  Joe said that I was one of the best beginners he’s ever taught and he’s been an instructor for many years. I’m pretty darn proud of myself.  It was a thrill … no delayed gratification here, you either hit the target or you don’t.  And, on my first day to get more than one shot on the target was cool.  Admittedly the very first five rounds went rather far astray.

 I don’t intend to get a gun, I don’t want to be armed for self-defense. It was recreational.. a way to spend time with the guy!  But, I tell you what, when asked if I was done, I said no and went back to reloading clips.  We’ll be going back to the range fairly soon. 

I’ll be attending the Friends of the NRA fundraiser in a couple of months… I can hardly believe I actually put that in words. Never say never.  Thank God Moses is dead and I won’t have to shake his hand (sorry!).  Should I have included God and Moses in the same sentence?

I’m taking the larger target paper to the office today to do a little bragging…..   Next- the motorcycle!

The mating of the toothbrushes June 21, 2009

 

 

There’s a new toothbrush in town!  And, he’s in my bathroom……..

I heard this loud clinking noise last night, all the way from the kitchen. I rushed back to my bathroom and discovered the new toothbrush mating with mine!!  

Mine’s on the left.. “His” is the one on the right, with the ’stickie outie’  thing….

Toothpaste was spattered all over the counter and the mirror.. Yep, they were in front of the mirror.

This morning they’ll be getting separate glasses.

Alice, Dorothy, Lucy June 20, 2009

Lucy is the first of the Pevensie children to discover the wardrobe, in The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe.   It seemed to me as a child that she fell into Narnia.  Just as Dorothy fell from the sky into OZ and Alice fell through the rabbit hole. Why is it that writers use the image of the fall? Is it connected to the big “Fall”?  Are girls, women portrayed as helpless role models who can’t control their destiny? Are there children’s stories where the male protagonists fall?  

 Writing this morning, I thought about my own tale, the falling out of love, falling out of a marriage, falling into various dating scenes.  I’m trying to piece together how the individual segments fit together in my story.  I like the idea of choosing to portray them as a series of door openings. Based on the saying that when one door closes another one will open for you.

We have to remember to close doors of past experiences.. to leave a door open can lead to mischief.  As if to imply that the past experience is not final, complete, resolved.  I realized this morning , with another’s help, that I tend to leave doors open, slightly ajar….  I think that it is about moving forward even if it’s with an incomplete resolve.  Am I totally ready to step into the new space, unknown territory if you will. It can be scary to take that step into that new territory even when it’s evident that what’s ahead is brighter, shinier and healthier than the dark place we’re preparing to leave.

“Really?  You want me to let go of old habits, haunts,  the familiar, anxieties even and go with you into something new?”

The notion of opening a door implies conscious decision, we have to make an actual physical motion to open a door.  We choose. Personal growth doesn’t come without sacrifices.  We can’t appreciate the new without a reference point.  We can’t resolutely make good decisions without a sense of adventure, a confidence in our ability to make good choices.  Without a clear realization that the door to the past has been closed.  We can visit the past, ever so briefly, but we can’t go back. There are too many wonderful experiences in the present, in the future for one to waste time elsewhere.