Last night, instead of folding laundry, I read an article in More magazine about women and orgasms. There are several things I don’t like about this article. First is the premise that lots of us fake orgasms. The author states that about 1/3 of women don’t have orgasms during intercourse. That I agree with.
This next bit I find objectionable: Have we become a nation of female martyrs and thespians? Faking it and making it seem okay so long as someone is coming (I’ll just lay here in the dark and listen to you moan).
She proceeds to give tips on how to get your guy interested in helping you have an orgasm. She offers up three strategies which range from using catchy phrases like, “The wide receiver fumbled and there’s no way he’s going to make a touchdown.” To threatening him with the “talk” and finally to masturbating while he falls asleep, hoping to stimulate him into awakeness.
I find this article simply insulting. I guess she means it to be tongue in cheek but….. How many of us really fake orgasms? I did once…. If a guy knows what it feels 
like when a woman has a real orgasm then it’s hard to fake it. Unless he wants so desperately to feel successful he’s willing to believe the lie. How many men are clueless about women and their sexual needs? I’d like to think men aren’t all that insensitive-though I have some personal evidence to support her theories.
The Toronto Sun just published an article on the great Canadian Sex Survey . The majority of men indicate the whole sex act takes them about 30 minutes. Two thirds of guys say their women never fake orgasm, but another third of the blokes aren’t so sure, according to… the survey. However, fake-it-to-make-it may be the mantra here. Half of those surveyed said if they’re mate’s throwing a Meg Ryan performance that’s fine by them because it makes them feel better.
So maybe the woman in the More article was right?
C’mon guys!
Hey, if a guy can’t fake it, why should the girl??
Agreed..
When we fake it we shortchange ourselves. The one time I did fake it, it was really more so we could just ‘be done with it’. He was trying really hard, though not very well and I didn’t care enough to help him out .
Never had sex. But I can’t imagine faking it. I mean, something like that…
Many women are not orgasmic without some type of stimulation.. vaginally or clitorally. And there are two different orgasms which normally bring contractions and other physical manifestations. I’d think those would be hard to fake! Moaning and twitching is easy enough. If the guy is experienced and ‘in tune’ he’d know it wasn’t a real orgasm.. and if he were experienced and in touch w/ the woman she wouldn’t need to fake it..
It takes communication, openness and a closer relationship for many women to fully, orgasmically enjoy sex… or so I think. And, therefore good reasons to take one’s time before getting in bed with another person.
Trying not to get my “Mother” role confused with my “Sex Goddess” role here.
I’ve heard these facts and figures thrown about before and it’s always solacious. Faking orgasms says more about a woman’s self-esteem than a man’s prowess. As I think I wrote in my most recent article, women should be proactive in making their men better lovers rather than fake, hope and expect them to come around naturally.
By the way, I love More Magazine (if it’s the same as its English counterpart)… Sex position of the week oh yea!!
On a continuing point, it isn’t that easy to tell the real from the fake for most guys. I’d say I only learnt to really know about female orgasms within the last year and I study a lot if you catch my drift, so to women who fake orgasms… you only have yourselves to blame!
Sam x
Well, hold on now . I respectfully disagree.. many women aren’t taught to understand their own bodies, nor are they taught to speak up for themselves- doubly so in bed. So, to lay blame on either gender is risky. If one is in bed with a man who is in the wrong spot or who just goes about his business ( without regard to her pleasure) then the woman is the one to speak up and it may not be easy to do so.
That’s why every relationship needs a foundation of communication. for me to have an orgasm it is, I agree, my responsibility to let him know what works and does not work but he needs to want to pleasure me as well and be willing to ask for help or to communicate his desire. .
A really ‘good’ deep orgasm should come w/ contractions noticable to the touch, or even sight possibly ( never looked at that point). We spasm, we contract, our breathing changes, our faces flush… it’s not a silent little ooh!
There is a great book called “She Comes First”. I bought it for both of my sons for Christmas a few years ago. It’s written ( by a man) w/ a bit of humor but is serious in helping men know female anatomy and how to bring a woman to orgasm.. nice line drawings, detail w/o being too scientific, matter of fact without being pornographic. Great book!
Oh yeah.. don’t think it’s the same More magazine? A tad more sedate and targetted for over 40 women…
One of my first post-divorce experiences was with a sweet man who’s ex-wife had been the dominant, pushy type. I think she made him feel a little inadequate. On our first sexual outing together I was unable to have an orgasm. That’s not unusual for me on the first time- I wasn’t upset about it. For good orgasmic sex, I have to be comfortable enough to speak about what I want and he has to figure my body out.. get it all right and I’m good to go. He was really upset and took it as a reflection on his own abililties. I tried to explain ‘my stuff’ but he couldn’t hear it. He retreated to the man cave for a couple of weeks after that. We went on to have a very satisfying sex life for the 9 months we were together, orgasmic, tender, mutual etc…..
He was at that point a perfect candidate for a ‘faker’ as his ego was tied up in my ability to respond to his touch….