Rachael Ray, Martha Stewart and my niece “L” July 20, 2009

[ This is yesterday's reflection- more like a rant?]  Stay with me. I think this will all tie together.  I’m eating dinner, a concoction I whipped up. It is the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen on a plate.  It’s Sunday, I’ve been at a “Domestic Diva” bridal shower for my niece… it was an hour away….drove my mother!  I haven’t been grocery shopping and the frig is full of soupy lettuce, brown avocado and dubious potato salad.  But, the bacon seemed ok.

So, I panfried the bacon with onion and green pepper.  All at the same time.  I don’t advise doing that.. then I poured in three beaten eggs.. without draining the little bit of bacon grease.. and added some sharp cheddar and scrambled it up. It tastes great, though the bacon isn’t as crispy as I’d like.. It looks like oversoured milk.. know how it gets clumpy and curd-like… with brown bits from the skillet and the sauteed veggies.  All in a big blob on my plate.  I’m chasing it down with Bombay gin and tonic. 

Nice mix huh!

Only 4 hours ago I was participating, albeit reluctantly, in a bridal shower game.. Which Diva are you? My choices were Martha Stewart, Rachael Ray, Paula Dean and  Nigella Lawson.  The answers to several domestic type questions determined the outcome, the reputation I would have for ever…if any of these young women were actually paying any attention to the matrons at this event.  Now, mind you, I’m in the semi-matron category though I’m in a black lowcut – yet casual-black dress sporting a push-up bra and cleveage.. Because… I just felt I had to.

I would have been mortified to turn out to be a Rachael or Paula type Diva.  According to the quiz I am Martha with Nigella running a close second. I was satisfied.  But 20 minutes ago as I looked at this pile of tasty stuff on my plate, all I could think of was Paula Dean.   Should be drinking Chablis not Bombay!

This party was the first I’ve ever attended as the older aunt.  I think young “L” is a bit dimwitted, particularly in the ‘domestic’ department.  Her manners are severely lacking but that I’ve known for years.

She got lots of cupcake tins because apparently it’s one of the few things she can cook… though only from a mix.  She actually got a cake mix box and some canned frosting too!  I bought her the Joy of Cooking and it was, in my mind, the perfect choice.  She also got a cookbook with Bitch in the title!   When she opened the Pyrex set she asked if they could really go in the oven ( box read: bake and store).  I think the coup de grace was when she announced to the whole room that she was attending a similar shower in a few days and was going to pick one of her least favorite gifts from today and give it to to her friend.. Then, she added …”but so far I don’t see anything I don’t really like”  Her mother seemed amused. 

 We were drinking  a lemonade-tea-vodka mixture from mason jars. I kid you not!

( hmmm, some of bacon  is a bit grisly) Here’s my real beef about this event today.  These young women, all approximately 27  years old have no sense of manners. The Bride to be, her mother, her father’s second wife and her sister (the second wife’s)  and mother.  There was my mom-grandma… the other grandmother, her stepmother’s mother (mentioned above)… then the groom’s mother, grandmother and the  groom’s other grandmother.  Oh,yea my ex-sister-in-law’s second husband’s mother was also there.- her brother’s wife was there too.  And, 6 young bridesmaids and one of their mother’s. 

When we walk in, the last ones to arrive, we greet family .. the young women don’t speak, introduce themselves or otherwise engage in conversation with us.  They eat in a different room.  Bride “L” doesn’t take her grandmother, aunt, etc.. around and introduce them to anyone either. Three-quarters of the way through the event, at the beginning of cute game #3, Bride “L” says, “what time is it? I’ve got to go.”  OMG!  Right after we discover our Domestic Diva alter egos, we grab our pink and green gift bags and head out.

Because of the hour drive and partly because of the Mason jars, I’m not drinking.  I wanted to, in the worst way !  On the way home my mother digs in.  Mason jars:  rumor has it that the party giver is in some way kin to “Mason” of jar fame.  Though she points out that the woman does not appear to have much taste, based on her looks and clearly didn’t come from money.  So maybe the husband is the Mason jar heir?  When she adds that she is being  a bit harsh just having met this woman ( implying that on the second meeting it would have been appropriate?) I do suggest that catty might be a better word.

Then she asks for my opinion on the food. I know where’s she’s headed.  It was not a Martha Steward event. Let’s just leave it at that.  The party was cute, well decorated, thoughtful gifts.. and in some ways Martha might have been pleased. I suspect she might have grabbed one of these thoughtless girls, probably the Bride and bitch-slapped her. I wanted to.

I’ve just eaten a meal worthy of Paula Dean and trashed the whole crowd in a way that might be more worthy of…. ? Certainly not Nigella or Martha (or maybe – she has a reputation for being a bitch).  All, in all… it was an interesting day!  I plan to end the day with something very classy to balance things out.  Maybe some Godiva chocolate ice cream in a Lalique wine glass eaten with my a sterling silver spoon using hand-cut linen napkins!