A friend of mine was watching news coverage of the recent flooding in Atlanta, Georgia and saw people who had nothing left other than what they managed to save in a shopping cart.
What would you put in your shopping cart?
алиса в страната на чудесата September 29, 2009
The best search engine term to date. As I’ve mentioned recently, the upcoming Alice in Wonderland movie has been a boon for my blog. People world-wide are seeking the wisdom of Delicate Flower and my posts on Alice in Wonderland.
“алиса в страната на чудесата” yep: Alice in Wonderland!
I’ve gone international. Whoever this searcher was probably read the post Alice Dorothy Porn and was left totally befuddled… ha!
Bringing home the bacon September 28, 2009
I’m frequently asked by women for tips on getting a man. What special charms did Delicate Flower use to score? Well, I’ve decided to share my secret. I”m pretty secure about my current situation and am banking on not needing this special lure anymore.
Remember that old adage, “The way to a man’s heart is through is stomach”? Men are extremely turned on by food in all forms and fashions. If you follow my advice you’ll have that big hunk of a man eating (out of) your hand in no time! For a limited time I will be selling my secret recipe…………. Bacon Soap.
Simply use my special soap before that big date. Step into the shower, wet your skin and apply liberally. The soap slides effortlessly across your skin, like a slab of raw bacon. Skin feels plump and supple while emitting that lovely home cooked bacon smell your man will love. Be prepared to be ravished!
To purchase, send $5.99 to delicate54flower@yahoo.com. Be sure to include your shipping address.
A Universe of Love September 27, 2009
A human being is part of the whole, called by us ‘the universe’. Our task must be to widen our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. – Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
Annie Get Your Gun September 26, 2009
Opening one’s self up to new experiences can be a wonderful thing…. or not. recently I went to a NRA related fundraiser. Truly a first, and noteworthy enough to merit a post. No, I haven’t changed all that drastically though I’ve had more than a few “never say never” experiences in the last 4 months. I’ve shot pistols, gone to a sporting clays range, and ridden a motorcycle; all of which pale in comparison to congregating with ‘the enemy’.
I’ve always had significant prejudices against the NRA. I’m not keen on guns, don’t want them in my house and don’t plan to carry one. I didn’t really officially know much about the NRA, just the vague news one overhears. I know they’re powerful lobbyists and I know their leader died. I’ve never studied their agenda, met their kind… and probably never slept with one of them. All of that has changed.
Not only did I attend this event but I worked one of the auction tables, selling chances for a gun, camo-painted, and very scary looking. Some guy asked me who made the gun- that was hilarious as I had absolutely no idea! I had to admit my total lack of knowledge. I did manage to sell $355 worth of tickets in 2 hours though… it was apparently a very sexy AR-15 or something!
The local politician, who recognized me, seemed stunned to see me there and made that clear. I had to laugh and make a vague comment about what one might do for love. I had the oddest feeling watching him work the crowd, the only person in the room with a jacket and tie, picking up rifles and getting the feel of them.
I saw my favorite liquor store clerk- he didn’t recognize me which is nothing but reassuring for us all.
A rather odd guy hovered around my work station much of the evening. I wasn’t sure if he was hitting up on me or just sucking up as he works for my guy. His tidbits ranged from conversation about the militia-like takeover being plotted by our government and his observation that when he drank bourbon women apparently found him sexier! My one WTF moment of the evening! I had to ask at that point what he was drinking- bourbon of course. I couldn’t see any women in the room who would have rung my bell, if I were a man. Apparently none of them were feeling his sexiness either.
I tried out the little pink-handled Ladysmith, gazed with awe at the NRA engraved stainless steel flatware, pretended to be excited about my new camo cap with the words Friends of the NRA emblazoned on the front and watched. Simply watched.
And what I saw was normal people, all ages, sizes and shapes. There were toddlers running around the room and some old coots. There were more women than I expected. Plenty of camo, jeans, polyester and big belt buckles. But these were decent people, conservative for sure, but people with lives just like mine. Sorta. So, do I feel warmer and friendlier about the NRA? Not really. Am I willing to be a little more open to their concerns? Maybe. Am I still gonna share a bed with a NRA member? Absolutely.
Advice from the Goddess September 25, 2009
Good morning gentle readers, Goddess of the Garden here. I was overseeing the blog world this morning and happened to find a delightful example of relationship building over at Alan Tru’s blog.
Two people just starting a relationship must start off on the right foot. And, doing so in a very matter-of-fact way can be just the right first step. When you’ve had 4 drinks and your hand’s up her skirt-it’s too late. You both have clouded judgments at that point. Your head is not thinking rationally.
In the above mentioned post they did several things I applaud. Though actually, she acted the part of hard cold bitch, visualize leather and whips... while grilling her potential lover. He played the more submissive part but seemed immensely gratified by his grovelling.
Oops, I got distracted and if truth be told.. a little turned on.
Anyway, when you contemplate hooking up with a new person there are essential things that must occur.
You absolutely want to know what the level of commitment is going to be. Is this a one-hour fling? or the prelude to ‘death do us part’? Are you #1 or #100? It matters.
Ask him for his success/failure rate. Can he keep it up? Essential question if he’s over 40. Does he have references, can he really make it happen? Any man can say he’s good in bed, but by the time you find out… whoa! It’s too late.
What about her? How willing is she to get down and dirty? Can she make you feel like more of a man? Will she do it with the lights on, is she gonna have clothes on?
Are their other lovers lurking around? Is there a hidden spouse? Is it gonna be video-taped?
Talk to each other, tell the truth. Be bold, what do you have to lose? I suggest you develop a mission and vision statement before that first meet. Then you can work together to set goals and objectives. Let me give you an example: “I, Sam, seek to bring happiness to this world by giving my hot throbbing member to every woman who will have me.” Now that is a clear mission statement. Sam knows what he wants. Bravo!
If you follow the Goddess’s advice I guarantee you there will be fewer unpleasant surprises.
Ta Ta for now…
GG
Hearty is an understatement September 24, 2009
19.2 pounds! My gosh! This is the largest child every born in Indonesia.
I’ve had two babies myself and I cannot imagine what it must have been like to live through that pregnancy. The delivery was by Caesarean, mercifully. I pity the woman who has to breastfeed this little bundle of joy.
Wondering Wednesday September 23, 2009
What’s that old saying, “into every day a little rain must fall”? What’s the least desirable chore on your to-do list right now? And, conversely, what do you do that brings you pleasure?
I’m going to be cleaning today-ugh- and baking bread. I love baking and rarely have, or make time for it these days. But today I’m setting some priorities. Bread making is really a fun activity. I don’t use a bread machine, preferring to do the whole process by hand. The simple satisfaction of watching the yeast bubble and work it’s magic, the feel of the dough as it moves from sticky mess to soft and elastic….. Then of course the satisfying smell and taste of fresh bread, slathered in butter. Oh, my….
My vibrator misses me September 22, 2009
Dear Goddess of the Garden,
I’ve stopped using my sex toys as much as I used to. I was feeling perfectly normal about that until I read this annoying blog that said women masturbate all the time. Is there something wrong with me? I didn’t really want to talk about this-it’s embarrassing-but last night I heard this snide snorting sound. When I turned on the lights I realized it was coming from the little black bag I keep in my night stand. It was my vibrator-laughing at me.
I want to defend myself but I’m not sure what to do. Admittedly I used to play with my toys on a very regular basis. We had fun,it was satisfying and by the hum Pearl was making I know she was happy too.
Signed,
forlorn flower
Dear FF:
The Goddess wonders why you no long play with your toys? They are a girl’s best friend. You do know that don’t you? Are you still mourning the loss of your first vibrator? It can be traumatic to replace a loved one. Maybe you just need to give it more time? You mentioned before (yes, dear readers she’s written me before) the presence of a “real” one in your life, is he the underlying reason for neglecting your toys? If that is the answer then I must say.. tsk, tsk!
Dr. TL is right, women are meant to be using their toys all the time. Think of the impact on the battery production if women simply started having sex with men, or each other. How selfish of you. Toys are important, there is a whole industry dependent on your masturbatory habits. That poor bag of toys, lying there night after night hearing you scream in delight with no help from them. They probably feeling neglected and inadequate. Stop screwing around with that man and go have some good make-up sex with your vibrators.
Signed,
Goddess of the Garden
Monday September 21, 2009
Tags: blogging, commentary, humor, life goes on, Mondays suck
Mondays can be such dreary events. A wonderful weekend full of relaxation, diversions, time with friends and family. Then we get up early on Monday, drink our coffee, wipe the dreams from our eyes and contemplate work. The office, the hostile or not so hostile fellow workers and we get down to it. Go home at the end of the day, eat, sleep and repeat. It’s an endless cycle; some days uplifting and fulfilling, some days-sheer drudgery.
I like to start every morning with a routine that involves skimming through my favorite bloggers. This morning I read about the history of hats, saw grainy dark pictures of urinals, dancing dogs, contemporary criticism-Swift/West, and the list goes on…… Funny stuff, serious as God stuff and that kind of content which evokes a “WTF” response?
It brings a nice context to the day. As long as I know my blogging buddies are keeping on, the world will never end. All will be right. The squirrels have not triumphed!