The grasp divine, th’emphatic, thrilling squeeze
the throbbing, panting breast
and trembling knees,
The tickling motion, the enlivening flow,
The rapturous shiver and dissolving-Oh!
John Wilkes (1725-1797)
English political leader
Saturday’s Sex Quote December 12, 2009
“Our culture uses sex in the most cynical way to “sell” anything- even though we blanch when sex is presented simply, or sold for itself.” Susie Bright (B.1958) American writer, editor
Dear Goddess December 11, 2009
Dear Goddess,
I need help. I’m an average guy who doesn’t understand women. I had this girlfriend. She asked me to move out after telling me that I was “unfixable”. Initially we talked and saw each other.. then we started breaking up and getting back together. Last week I finally told her it was over for good.
She went nuts. I’m afraid. I think she’s stalking me.
She’s the one who dumped me, telling me that she was tired of sacrificing herself for me. That’s pure bullshit, I’ve spent time, energy and money taking care of her issues. And now she’s saying she still loves me and refuses to believe me. She’s sneaking around my yard, calls and texts me incessantly. She’s calling my family and my friends.
I just want it to be over. What do I do?
Signed,
Perplexed
Dear Perplexed:
What a mess. I am honored that you’ve turned to the Goddess. The whole man-woman, relationship thing can be very challenging. Women aren’t always predictable and your ex-GF sounds a bit batty. If you’re clear that the relationship is over and you’ve communicated that to her then you are in the clear.
You don’t mention whether you’re responding to her calls and texts? If she’s really displaying stalking behavior then I’d suggest you cut all communication. Watch your back. You should start keeping a journal of everything that happens as well. Collect any and all evidence!
Let’s hope that she tires of this and moves on to find her next victim! Best of luck.
Goddess
My advice to you is……. November 30, 2009
“Middle age dawns with the recognition that sex has become a relatively dull and dangerous waste of time-and that you’ll never find anything better.” Ruth Marcozzi, American advice columnist
The Goddess does not normally compete and rarely casts dispersion on other advice givers, but whoever this Ruth is.. she’s a fool!
Ladies and gentlemen over the age of 40: Sex is only as dull as you allow it to be. When sex becomes dull for you then you need to revisit the relationship, the situation, the position, the reason for having sex…..
I view sex as a coming together of 2 people who have, at a minimum, sexual attraction for each other. As a basic premise there is no “dull”. Why engage in something that does not bring pleasure? If you want to feel obligated go visit your mother, or scrub the toilet.. don’t have sex.
If you call sex dull then we need to talk. Why do you perceive sex to be dull? Are you intimate with the wrong person? Are you being pressured? Is it a spouse or partner who you’ve basically shut down to but still pretend with? Shame on you.
Nor is there any reason to assume that middle-age sex equals dull either. Au contraire, middle aged sex can be the absolutely best of your life. Those of you in the middle years are not dead… do not settle! First, take a few minutes to think about what kind of sex you currently have. Decide where you rate it on a scale of 1 to 5, 5 being the best. And, then think about what you want. Do you want better sex? If the answer is yes, (and mind you, if the answer is no then you need to call your therapist) then sit down with your partner and tell him/her. NOW.
We all deserve to be the best, to have the best and to make the best choices we can. I know that sounds simplistic but the truth is that we, and women are the most frequent culprits, don’t always respect ourselves. And, therefore we make choices dictated by others, by society, by family rather than following our instincts. These mature middle years are when we get to say f*** you to old patterns and chart a new course.
Have fun, try a sex toy, get out the whipped cream or chocolate syrup, buy that sexy bra… say no if you want, ask your partner to do something unusual. Give up dull, you won’t regret it.
A little to the left please November 23, 2009
Who knew? Doctors getting women off, manually… the vibrator as one of the first electric appliances to grace a woman’s home?
The September issue of Scientific American featured articles on origins.. one of those articles is about the origin of the vibrator. Unfortunately there is no web link, unless you’re a special Scientific American subscriber.
Following is most of the article;
“Derived from the Greek word for “uterus”, hysteria occurred in women with pent-up sexual energy-or so healers and early physicians believed. Nuns, widows and spinsters were particularly susceptible, but by the Victorian era many married women had fallen prey as well… The prescription of clitoral orgasm as a treatment for hysteria dates to medical texts from the first century A.D. Hysterical women typically turned to doctors, who cured them with their hands by inducing a “paroxysm”- a term that hides what we now knows as a sexual climax. But manual stimulation was time-consuming and… often passed the job off to midwives.
The invention of electricity made the task easier. Joseph Mortimer Granville patented an electromechanical vibrator in the early 1880s to relieve muscle aches, and doctors soon realized it might be used on other parts of the body. …. by the turn of the century needlework catalogues (note: I used to own a needlework retail shop, alas we did not sell vibrators) advertised models for women who wanted to try the treatment at home, making the vibrator the fifth electrical appliance to arrive in the home-after the sewing machine, the fan, the teakettle and the toaster.
The vibrator’s legitimacy as a medical device declined after the 1920s, when Sigmund Freud correctly identified paroxysm as sexual. In 1952 the American Psychiatric Association dropped hysteria from its list of recognized conditions.
When the vibrator was again popularized years later, women no longer needed the pretense of illness to justify a purchase.” Thank heavens for that!
Mr. Granville, my clit thanks you.
Weekend chores November 21, 2009
Do you have a to-do list? Does your partner give you, or suggest things for you to do as well? We tend to think that men are the only ones with a honey-do list. Well that’s just not so.
I normally have ‘chores’ that fall into the weekend list; grocery shopping, cleaning house (to the extent that I ever do housework), maybe leaf blowing.
Next week I won’t have to worry about weekend chores. No job, no structure, no time lines….
But for now… note to self: razor blades
Why women have sex November 17, 2009
This topic has come up several times recently, Dr. Phil, Jay Leno, Men’s Health magazine. Fellow blogger over at Life Lessons took on the topic with links to the above mentioned.
It started me thinking about sex and why I’ve had sex at various times in my life?
- All of the other girls in my tight circle of friends had already had sex. I was the lone virgin.
- I was lonely and wanted this guy to like me. The sex was worth it, he immediately dumped me.. but, oh well!
- Maybe a little too intoxicated to think clearly so I let myself be persuaded.
- Really liked him; he was cute and a good kisser
- Really turned on (post-marriage)
- Wanted to have children
- Wives are supposed to have sex with their husbands
- It was the closest thing to affection and connection I could find at the moment
- Why not?
- Love
These start out chronologically but don’t necessarily continue in that way. I could probably come up with more reasons, not 200+ but….
We have sex for lots of reasons and I’d wager that a significant number of them are not all that healthy. Admittedly some of the choices I list fall in that category! Having sex as a middle-aged woman is different from that of a teenager so I’m comfortable listing “Why not?” as one of my reasons. I don’t think that’s a good one for a teen.
Now days, I have sex with my full power to choose, consent and participate in ways that I want. And I think that’s really the only way we should be doing it!
Where’s that moaning sound coming from? October 29, 2009
Dear Goddess,
Help me! My adult son is moving back in with me. What am I going to do? I finally have this great sex life … we have frequent vigorous sex and I don’t want to give that up. What am i going to do? I have 2 bedrooms my son could sleep in, one is across the hall from my bedroom, the other is below my bedroom.
Signed,
Frustrated lover
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Dear Frustrated Lover,
Don’t get your panties in a wad. There are a variety of options for you and your lover. First of all, why are you letting your son come back? Kick his butt out and tell him to get his life together. Oops, you want advice about the sex!
Christmas/Hanukkah is coming!
Let your son know how concerned you are for his health and talk about the importance of a good night’s sleep. Buy him a gift basket with a sound machine, high-quality ear plugs and a face mask.. Not being able to see can sometimes impact hearing. Or maybe you could buy him a new Bose headset, the sound blocking ones.
Do you have a shed? or other type of out-house that could be renovated for the ‘child’?
I guess I’d be remiss if I didn’t ask; how loud is your sex? On a scale of 1 to 10, where one is muffled breathing and 10 is window rattling ecstasy? If you’re the silent type then the issue is moot… isn’t it? If you’re closer to a 10, how about a gag?
Before the child moves back in, I suggest the three of you sit down, over stiff drinks, and discuss the upcoming changes. He’s probably totally freaked out that his mother even has sex-if he’s even contemplated that. Talk about overall expectations for the new living relationship from all perspectives. Talk about respect, privacy, yada yada…..You and your partner will need to tell him that you have an intimate life, sparing him the details of course. Help him understand that as adults in a healthy relationship you have an active sex life. And, of course that you’re not going to curtail your sex life because he’s moving in. Suggest that everyone will probably undergo some apprehension but that sensitivity and courtesy rule the day. If he can’t handle it, he can begin to look for alternative living arrangements!
